I think i'ma start usin this spot to post my daily 10 minute stream of consciousness.

here's one from today. 11/5/09:

Gogogogogogogogo. I don’t know why I’m still typing go. Just got home from work today. Sometimes I think I’d rather be dead. I want heaven to be like a movie theater. With infinite amounts of fucking popcorn and soda and buncha crunch. And on the screen is the real life movies of all the people you used to know when you were alive. And you get to see em in their private moments--crying at night or jerkin off to fetish porn--whatever the case may be. I would like to watch my boss in his quiet moments. I wonder if he has a wife. I wonder if he ever thought about a man and got an erection. This is making me seem way bitter and I’m losing track of the thread. I just wanna be there man. There with you while you live and love and hate. Let me be there while your experiences shape your worldview--I know my mother was raped. Some really sad part of me wishes I could see that. Not because I’m sick or disgusting or anything--but because if I could see it--I feel like I could understand her better. Maybe that’s what heaven is. All the understanding in the world encapsulated into a finite moment of some nevertime and neverspace and maybe we all get to experience it. I wonder what it must feel like for bigots and Nazis and assholes in general--who might die and be overwhelmed with all of this beautiful love and what might it mean to them then?--Would they wish they could start over?--I want to be there for that. Want to be there when the odometer clicks its way back to zero and we decide to drive somewhere else--in a new way. I guess that’s just the redemption junkie shootin up from somewhere inside my heart again. I can’t ever really stop him. Only keep him quiet while I do things like work. While I talk to people who don’t really understand me like I was just like them. A football fan and a fat kid who knows more restaurants than you.